Autopsy Reveals Leonard Nimoy Really A Vulcan

Coroners have revealed that Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy was, in fact, a Vulcan. The government’s trying to cover up the findings but you read it here first. The Live Long And Prosper actor was set to have the Westboro Baptist Church protest his funeral but a large number of them became victims of Vulcan Death Grips.

In related news co-star William Shatner reportedly was not able to attend Spock’s funeral but has not been seen since. Reports claim that they heard the actor in a private room  mumble, “We’ve been found out. Scotty beam me . . .” before disappearing.