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Roselle Park Post

Berkeley Heights: Most Likely To Secede!

December 27, 2013

Berkeley Heights has fired their first shot with a move that could tear the county in two and lead to a mini-civil war! The Berkeley hotshots say they want to lower their property taxes because a large chunk of it goes to the freeloaders and they’re tired of helping the poorer towns that make up the 21-town county. They have voted to secede from Union County and become part of Morris County. While the courts and Legislature, Berkeley Heights has stationed militias at its borders as a show of force.

In retaliation, Elizabeth – a town that itself seceded from Essex County in 1857 – has sent its troops to Scotch Plains, Mountainside, and New Providence , the towns surrounding Berkeley Heights, as reinforcements to troops from those cities.

A spokesman for the County said, “Look, when Elizabeth seceded, three years later there was the Civil War. Well, you know what that means if Berkeley Heights does the same . . . Hello 2017. Goodbye USA!”

Even if Berkeley Heights does secede, the rich towns in Essex County feel that Berkeley Heighters will bring them down. A spokesperson for Essex County commented, “They might be posh for Union County but we already have our share of those, you know, second-tier towns, that already bring us down.”

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