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Roselle Park Post

BOE OPRAs Library Cards To See If Parents Care About Libraries

April 16, 2014

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After announcing the closing of school libraries in the 3 elementary schools in town to make way for full-day kindergarten, a crowd of opposers – or ‘Oh! Posers!” took to the schools to demand that the school libraries be kept open and to get rid of the full-day kindergarten that they previously championed. A room full of teachers and librarians voiced their opposition to the decision which was made before the meeting even started.

In response to the line of people saying their children couldn’t do without a library for 6 years, the BOE decided to OPRA a list of residents who have library cards to match them against families with kids in the schools.

“That’s outrageous!” said one parent when they heard of the BOE sneaky move, “What does me or my family not having a library card have to do with how important I feel school libraries are?!?!”

Another parent offered no comment and nervously looked around as she asked someone where the town library was and rushed off.

A representative of the BOE wondered how important library and research skills are since a lot of the research done by parents who wanted to bring out points to save the library did poor research and with Google no less.

“Can you believe someone wanted to point out that the state requires there be a library room in all schools?”, said the BOE rep, “Yeah, well, too bad that state was Tennessee! Makes you wonder if maybe having a library’ll really help with research skills since, apparently, it didn’t help those adults who had libraries when they went to school and used the Internet, instead of a library, to do research.”

A library advocate stated on the record, using the lyrics from a socialist radical band, “RATM was right! They don’t gotta burn the books, they just remove ’em. And these PARCC warehouses fill up quick as the cells!”

And still another faction of parents felt that the BOE didn’t go far enough. One parent was heard saying, “The only book we need in the library is the Holy Bible. If any book has stuff in it that’s not in the Holy Bible, then it’s heresy and not needed. If it repeats what’s in the Holy Bible then it’s already covered by the Word of God and we don’t need it.”

The BOE is looking for alternatives including the UK solution of making useless phone booths into library book exchanges. Said a BOE rep, “Look, libraries are as useless as public phone booths. Why don’t we combine them both into something that could benefit everybody. We’re also looking into putting books next to toilets since that’s where the majority of people read nowadays.”

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