Roselle Park Post

Companies Moving To North Pole For Cheapest Labor In The Entire Planet

December 27, 2013

XMas SweatshopJust when it was said that people in China and India didn’t believe in Santa Claus, well, now they’ve got a good reason to do so. Their jobs are moving to the North Pole.

Companies worldwide from Apple to Walmart have discovered that not only does Santa Claus exist but that he indeed has elves who will work for almost nothing. Corporations will set up headquarters in the Arctic since no country controls it and, reportedly, Santa doe snot collect taxes.

In another blow to Fedex and UPS and other shipment carriers, companies are also in talks to have SANREISLE, Santa’s Reindeer & Sleigh Service, deliver those packages.

“They can deliver the entire planet’s gifts in one night! You think delivering next day or even same day’s gonna be a problem?!? How can you beat that?”, said one excited Corporate CEO.

Finally, the NSA and other spy agencies will begin using Santa’s surveillance program to fine tune their own efforts. A CIA spokeswoman was quoted as saying, “This guy knows when every girl and boy has been bad or good. Every single one! Can you imagine what that technology can do for the information-gathering of personal data if we adjust it for every man and woman? We can call it ‘Silent Night Vision’.”

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