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Roselle Park Post

Mayor Gives WARPED Info!!

September 1, 2012

RP’s governing body has tried to extend its influence over a non-caring population by getting together current and former members of council to create the group “We Are Roselle Park’s Elected Delegates” or WARPED for short, to get input on how to improve Roselle Park’s current condition with lack of businesses and homeowners.

“We’re going to try and use WARPED logic to make things better in town,” said a paid spokesman for the group. He pointed to leaving a chain around a tree that was cut down in Father Loretti Park. The spokesman said, “If people look down at the chain, they’ll still think it’s on the tree and not look up. We save money and cut down trees. Two birds, one stone, voila!”

Jacob Magiera, former 2nd ward councilman distanced himself from the group, “I am not involved with this WARPED thing and as far as I’m concerned I’ve never been WARPED. I’ve always been one with the people, not those elected to represent us.”

“All former and elected officials, well almost all former elected officials, enjoy being WARPED,” said a current member of the governing body, “All those officials who said they’d stay involved and attend meeting. They knew that wasn’t the way to go. The way to go was to go behind the scenes and give their WARPED input to neighbors and friends.”

The mayor, who’s rumored to be eying a State Assemblyman’s seat in 2013-14 says he’ll bring his brand of problem-solving to a state level and call it Independent New Jersey Upstanding Representative Elected Delegates (INJURED).

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