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Roselle Park Post

Scooby’s Doo Doo Mystery

April 1, 2011

Residents sick & tired of having neighbors deposit their dog waste on their sidewalks have taken to the streets to enact some well-deserved street justice!

It started with Ms. Precious Young standing up for lawn lovers by putting her foot down. In fact, putting her foot down repeatedly on dog poo is what started it for her, “I got tired of walking outside my house and stepping on dog shit! I needed to do something to get my point across!”

Other residents have armed themselves with cameras to catch their neighbors walk away from their canine’s crap on film. Some have even gone so far as to scoop the poop and ninjaly follow the culprits home and throw it back on their lawn.

“They look both ways and if they think no one’s looking, they just walk away whistling!” a resident said, “It’s infuriating!”

This dog-eat-dog world has some dog owners up in arms over the ruckus. One dog owner, a notorious doggy deuce dropper proudly proclaims, “Hey, if my dog doesn’t want it, what makes you think I do? Sometimes I just mush the poop in the ground or, if someone’s watching I just pick it up then walk it to the nearest sewer and chuck it in!”

This hound dog of a pooch owner feels he can safely get away with his dastardly deeds and thumbs his nose at his giving Roselle Park  a not-so-rosy appearance, “What are they gonna do about it?!? They don’t enforce the bike helmets laws! They don’t enforce no bikes on the sidewalks! They don’t even enforce the 10% window coverage signs in town!”

Still, some dog owners feel these miscreants give all dog owners a bad name. An outraged pit bull owner claimed, “If I ever see another dog owner not obey the scoop-the-poop law, I’ll just go ahead and not obey the dog-must-be-on-a-leash law. Then we’ll see what happens.”

Another pet owner had another solution, “Get a cat.”

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